Remember That You Are Awesome
Something interesting happened during the weekend: My mindscape jumped back to its former self for a moment, and I didn’t really know what to do to fix that. Hopefully my experience will help you deal with the uphill parts of your own journey.
Facing uncomfortable situations is a big part of that journey. Getting rejected, whether it be a job or a romantic endeavor, gaining weight back you’ve already lost, there are a million things that can cause a feeling of “nothing has changed” and bring you back to the way things and especially your mind used to be. The first one I really noticed happened this weekend. I saw an ex the first time after things ended. Now while I don’t want to date her anymore, just seeing her still gave a shock to my system and sort of stopped the night for me. I started to think about the relationship and its ending, it brought me back to who I was back then. It brought me back to the not-so-confident, “not much direction in life” version of me I no longer am or want to be, I guess I somewhat spiraled downwards for a moment. I didn’t really know how to recover, what direction to take there. I felt somewhat powerless because I didn’t know how to correct, how to recover from the shock. I got a little scared the work I’ve put into myself has been for nothing and I haven’t really made any progress, that’s it’s all been smoke and mirrors.
Giving up? Nah
I contemplated leaving the venue, but I’m not the kind of guy to give up in a situation like that, and neither should you. A huge part, maybe even the biggest, of building a better you is doing things and being in situations that make you uncomfortable. By going through that experience, it makes you a little stronger, the whole thing a little less uncomfortable, and next time something like that happens you will be more confident and it will affect you less.
However while I knew giving up wasn’t an option, nor drinking (I should probably write a post about why you should go to parties sober, but let’s leave that for the next time), I didn’t know what course to take. I ended up on the dance floor since I needed something to occupy my mind. I dance as a hobby, I’ve even gotten somewhat competent at it, so I figured it’s as good as idea as any. When I started dancing my mind just clicked, I knew I was a good dancer, so the act of dancing reminded my brain of the difference I’ve made. I remembered all I’ve done lately to improve myself and my life, I spiraled back up just by remembering all the steps I’ve already taken on my journey.
Who are you again?
When you get the ball rolling, when you start on your journey, you are dedicated to improving yourself and you have to remember that. You need to remember that you are awesome, you are going towards something and while rejection and being reminded of who and how you used to be isn’t fun, it doesn’t matter. Think of the things you want to improve, but especially remember the journey you’ve already traveled. Remember that you are different from your past self and being reminded of it won’t bother you.
After my mind clicked and sort of remembered that I’m no longer that guy I used to be, I didn’t mind seeing her again. I was just curious about her and her new boyfriend, I was happy for her and I hope she’s found a better match. Without the work I’ve done for my own journey would I’ve been able to do all that? I doubt it, but since I’ve come a long way since back then I just needed to remember that fact.
Keep chugging along
It’s a process and while the trend line is upwards, it has some dips in it and when you hit that dip, it’s important to keep going. Best way to recover is to keep doing the good things you are doing, whatever they may be for you personally and pat yourself on the back for the things you’ve already done.
Confidence is an interesting thing to gain, it’s sort of is smoke and mirrors, you need to start acting in a way that’s more confident and while it will make you uncomfortable, over time that kind of behavior becomes who you are. When it no longer makes you uncomfortable, you’ve found confidence. It’s an interesting journey and it’s nice that you are traveling it with me.